For the past several years, I’ve been a podcast fan. I mostly listen to Jazz radio programs from various Canadian community radio stations. But maybe 30-40% of my podcasts are non-music shows.
There’s a really good one from author Michael Lewis called Against The Rules. His podcast revolves around the subject of public trust. The current season (3) is about experts, and “why is it hard to judge who the real experts are?”
So this inevitably led to the subject of mansplaining.
And it’s amusing to me that the word mansplaining doesn’t cause spellcheck alerts. If it’s a real word, then it’s a real thing. The episode titled The Overconfidence Game was kind of a fascinating podcast. Something like…men are likely to be 30% overconfident while women are likely to be 30% under-confident. And this over/under is developed between the ages of 9-12. Puberty.
I would like to assume that I am innocent of mansplaining. But that’s probably not my call to make. If I have talked down to women in a condescending, know-it-all way, I apologize. Please forgive me.
I think I have been a victim of mansplaining. Far too often.
Maybe it wasn’t real mansplaining. More like “self appointed expert talk”. Which sounds like the same thing, from any gender.
I seem to be surrounded by people who consider themselves experts on whatever topic. Part of that equation is that I am a quiet listener, compounded with a lack of forceful conversational intrusion tactics and/or debating skills. And I cannot think and talk fast.
I am the mansplainer/self-appointed expert’s favorite target.
An even worse variant is the Problem Solver. “I see you have a non-existent problem. Let me explain to you what you should have really done for the solution”. For example, I will tell a real life story of something that happened. Maybe a comic snafu of something stupid I did. I retell the tale laced with subtle self-depreciating humor. Then the Problem Solver states, “what you should do is…”
These conversations leave me feeling stupid. As if I’m inadequate. Did the Problem Solver not pick up on my self slandering nonsense? It’s an attempt to be humble. Figure it out.
Sometimes, people like me just want to say something. Get something off our chest. Looking for someone to do the thing we do fairly well. Listen. We aren’t asking for advice. We know what the solution is. Duh…
I am having to be cautious these days. I have a new friendship developing. This is good, as I have so few friends in Canada. But I finally figured out, this new friend is a Mansplaining Expert Problem Solver. And it’s starting to rub.
Sometimes people just need to get something off their chest.